"Can I Post This Photo of You?"

Why don't we ask kids before posting their pictures on the internet?

Today, for the first time, I asked my daughter if she was okay with me posting a photo of her online.

“Can I post this photo of you?”

She flopped down beside me and immediately slipped into her comfortable spots. With her sharp little chin nestled into my clavicle, she peered at the phone in my hand; her fleshy little hand wrapped on my waist, and her smooth legs intertwined with mine as little kids always seem to do. She smiled at the FaceTime screen grab and seemed to contemplate it for a second. Then she said, “yeah, that’s a good one; you can share it.” She quickly unentangled herself and went back to jumping, jostling me on the hot trampoline.

It felt awkward, but also right in a way hard to describe.

another photo that I got explicit permission to post

She is only seven and already seven, all at once. We teach her to ask before hugging and to tell people if they’re making her uncomfortable. She knows her body is hers and that her voice matters. We talk to her both explicitly and non explicitly about consent.

So why does consent not extend to others sharing her photos and memories with the world?

This is one of the hard questions I asked myself about 6 months ago as I was considering the role of social media in my own life. Ultimately, I decided to scale back the photos I share of my children (for a multitude of reasons). Then I deactivated nearly all my social media anyway.

However, I still frequently consider this question and can’t say I am confident in the “right” choice. I’m sure my opinion will continue to evolve. But in the meantime, the bare minimum feels like asking before I share.

And honestly? I’m still not sure if I will post that photo, but now I have permission to if I decide to.